Posted by: Erica | February 19, 2010

Hunger

Nothing great today.  Just some random thoughts I can’t manage to piece together.  Disconnected.  That’s how I’m feeling.  Blah.  But, I’m going to keep up the writing process.  Is this how we coined the term “blog”:  “Blah…log?”  The good news is that I have officially given myself permission to write the worst crap ever.  And, I decided to dive right in with a good dose of humiliation.  It’s freeing.  Am I losing my mind or am I finding it?  Can’t tell. 

I went home last night and forced myself to do pointless things–picked up a week’s worth of dirty laundry on our bedroom floor, put the story books back on the shelf, took out the trash–all this stuff will be to do again and again and again.  But, I’ve been absent from the routine life for a few days and knew that getting back to it would be soothing.  I wonder if this is what we do to ourselves, a sort of brainwashing with laundry and dishes. 

For those of you keeping up with the soundtrack of my mental breakdown, this morning I awoke to “American Idiot.”  There are a lot of thoughts on that one rattling around in my head, but I’m just not up to a political post today.  I’m too weak.

I’m hungry.  It’s been about 5 or 6 days since I had a decent meal.  I’m completely nauseous, but starving at the same time.  You know how this feels.  You get so empty that you start “digesting yourself,” as a friend of mine calls it.  This is a great metaphor for me right now.  I know the scriptures on bread, and food, and water; I’m not in the mood.

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Responses

  1. I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. Call me sometime if you like.


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